Title: A Weevil Ate The Bloody Coffee!
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Ianto, Gwen, Jack, Owen, Tosh
Rating/Warning: PG. Just to be safe.
Summary: A weevil ate the bloody coffee…
Word Count: 1,063
Author's Notes: This is just a little two-part story. This first part is Gen but the second part is Janto.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Jack or Ianto, no matter how many times I’ve tried to purchase them.

The whole team, sans Jack who was in his office, turned and stared as Ianto Jones stormed through the cog doors swearing viciously. It was evident that some sort of altercation happened, since his immaculate attire was currently drenched and spotted a bit around the collar with blood.

Tosh and Owen glanced at each other, then simultaneously looked at Gwen. She gave them a pleading look but got not sympathy in return so she stood and hesitantly followed Ianto into the kitchen, just barely dodging a soaked suit jacket as it was carelessly tossed aside.

Ianto was never angry often but when he was, he was kind of scary.

Gwen didn’t dare go further then the doorway. “Um, Ianto?”

There was no reply except for some muttered curses under his breath. He slammed around for a moment, opening this door and that, taking things out for coffee. Once it was brewing, he popped some ice into a towel and crushed it against the counter with unwarranted strength. Gwen detected a small grunt from his chest as he repeatedly slammed the ice down a few more times.

When he loosened his collar, Gwen saw that there were some nasty scratches on the back of his neck. She quickly stepped forward and stopped him from putting the ice against the bloody wounds. “Ianto, sweetheart, let me take a look at those.”

“I’m fine,” he growled at her.

A shiver crawled up her spine at that tone but she didn’t back down. “It’s either me or Owen,” she stated calmly.

With a sigh, he dropped down into a chair. “Let’s get the shirt off, love.”

Peering over his shoulder, he smirked at her. “Yes, ma’am.”

She put her hand over his face and pushed him away, enjoying the deep chuckle in response. Ianto really did have a lovely laugh. When she peeled his shirt off from his shoulders, her smile disappeared.

“Ouch. What happened?”

“A weevil ate the bloody coffee.” There was that fierce tone again.

Gwen blinked. “The coffee?”

“The coffee I special ordered from Columbia. He just bloody ate it! Weevils aren’t suppose to like coffee!” he exclaimed.

Gwen tried to hold back her laugh, she really did but Ianto’s voice held such exasperation that a little giggle slipped out. Ianto’s shoulders started to shake and Gwen really thought he was crying for a moment – you never knew when it came to Ianto’s coffee. She’s shed a few tears herself – but when she leaned around his shoulder, she found he was laughing.

She let herself laugh with him. “Go on with you!” she said playfully.

“Oi, what are you two girls gabbing about.” Owen asked from the doorway.

Ianto rolled his eyes, making Gwen laugh more. “I’m sorry, love, but you’re going to have to tell us the whole story.”

Ianto’s amusement vanished at that. He really wasn’t in the mood for Owen’s ribbing but it was unavoidable when Tosh came in next. “Something I should know about?” she asked.

Owen propped his elbow on her shoulder, “Ianto’s about to tell us a tale.”

Ianto groaned. “You might as well call Jack down, I’m not telling it twice.”

“What’s going on?” they all heard Jack before he came into view. “Ianto, why are you wet?”

Ianto fake cried into his hands and had Gwen laughing some more. She was certainly easy to amuse, he thought darkly. “Ianto was just about to enlighten us. Go on…” Gwen prompted.

“I was driving in from collecting my mail -.”

“He ordered coffee…from Columbia. Specially ordered,” Gwen interrupted.

Ianto shot her a look as Owen and Tosh stared at him. Jack didn’t look particularly surprised, though. “Whose story is this anyway?”

She looked down, chagrined. “Sorry.”

“Anyway, I was driving down the road when I thought I saw a weevil.”

“Why didn’t you call for back up?” Tosh wanted to know.

“Well, because I didn’t know for sure. Can I have no more interruptions please?”

Tosh looked properly chastised. “Thank you. I pulled to the side and got my tranq gun. I thought he went down a side street. I followed it down a bit but saw no sign so I went back to my vehicle. It looked like someone had broken into the back but as I got closer it was to find the weevil,” he began through clenched teeth, “…eating…my…coffee!” he growled.

The kitchen was silent as his menacing tone filled the air. Ianto’s eyes narrowed to mere points as he relived the experience. It was Owen who broke the silence.

The doctor threw his head back and roared with laughter. The sound of his laugh and the look on Ianto’s face made Tosh’s lips twitch but she resisted. Gwen was giggling into her hand. Jack looked anywhere but at Ianto, his face screwing up as he tried to contain himself.

Ianto was ignoring them all as he continued. “I must have shouted because it got startled. Hmm, never seen a weevil afraid before,” that got them all in stitches. “Anyway,” he said over their voices. “I started chasing it. I thought I’d corner it by the Bay but I lost it in the water.”

“If the weevil took a swim, why are you wet?” Owen was getting far too much enjoyment out of this. His face was practically red and his hand clutched at his side.

“Because it had me by the neck at the time.”

Owen sobered a bit. So did Jack and the rest “Are you hurt?”

Ianto promptly turned his nose up at the doctor’s question, folding his arms over his chest. Now that he was paying attention, he realized he was shivering. Gwen patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. “I think its best the doctor to have a look at this.”

Not a word from Ianto, partly because he wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of a response and partly because his teeth was chattering. He didn’t protest, though, when Gwen shuffled away and Owen took her place. The scratches were starting to sting a bit.

Owen checked Ianto’s neck until he was satisfied he didn’t need stitches. “Right then, lets get you dried off before you catch your death. We’ll have to clean this thoroughly and keep an eye on you. God knows what kind of bacteria’s in the bay.”

As soon as the words left Owen’s mouth, Ianto sneezed violently.